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02 March 2011 @ 10:12 pm
Book Review—Eclipse  
Eclipse (Twilight, #3)Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I wish I could give one point of a star for this series. It is a piece of crap. I really don't know why people rave about the series and why it became such a hit. And sometimes I ask myself why do I keep reading it? I guess for the same reason people love to gawk at train wrecks.

The first book was an extremely boring book. Only after I read 60% of the text did the plot finally emerge. Book 2 was a bit better, simply because Jacob was a warmer and more lovable character. The third book can be described as an attempt to introduce G-rated porno to hot, hormonal driven teenagers.

In Eclipse, not only is Bella continuously infatuated with her creepy stalker Vampire boyfriend, but she becomes adept a becoming the biggest tease for poor Jacob. Jacob is in love with her, but rather than discouraging the poor guy, Bella encourages it by constantly visiting him, flirting with him, etc.

Aside from this ugly triangle, a blood-thirsty Vampire is on the loose and creating an army to kill Bella. Both the "vegetarian" Vampires and the Werewolves are ready to fight a war to keep Bella alive.

There are few disgusting scenes that, I guess, was Stephenie Meyer's ill attempt at writing porno. She goes on at length describing how Jacob hugs Bella in an attempt at keeping her warm in a tent that's on a top of a snowy mountain. Her boyfriend Edward just happens to be in the tent with them and is privy to embracing Werewolf and his girlfriend Bella. I don't know about other readers, but I was disgusted with the entire scene. It was just there to titillate hormone-raged teenagers. Shame on you, Stephenie.

Another scene that just got my goat was Bella's father's attitude. Not only is he totally hands off. I might even say that he is nonexistent. What parent is not concerned with his child's whereabouts and comings and goings. But when Bella told him that she broke her knuckles because she punched Jacob for force kissing her. Her father, who happens to be the town's sheriff, just uttered, "Good for Jacob."

And, yes, let us not forget that Bella has no intention of going to college (what a great role model you've created, Stephanie) and her only goal in life is to become a Vampire. Bella has not feelings about having to forever leave her human family and friends. Why should she? Bella is a selfish bastard, and I am a stupid fool, as I am about to embark to read Book #4 (Breaking Dawn). I heard that I will really be amazed at the trash Stephenie Meyer cooked up for that book.

View all my reviews

By the way, it took me 6 days to read this trash.
~Lirpa~: Books: Old Fashionedkatje0711 on March 3rd, 2011 03:19 am (UTC)
Amazing. I've always been shocked on the awful role she put these characters in. Yet, I know so many people who love them. And I'm talking about adults!
Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:36 pm (UTC)
I know. t amazed me what people see in this crap.
Galileahgalileah_galile on March 3rd, 2011 03:42 am (UTC)

I adore your reviews of this series. Now I don't have to put in the time reading the crap for myself. Was going to say regarding your last review about the obsession with the cold,chiseled vampires. I remember when I was 13 getting insanely obsessed with Anne rice's vampire chronicles. The same over used imagery of marble. If I'm gonna get all academic and shit, I'd have to say it was because my boyish body with broadening hips and burgeoning breasts and fist periods all made me feel dirty and pudgy and out of control with bodily functions. Who in that situation wouldn't be attracted to something cold,hard,ageless and devoid of bodily functions-including all the sticky messiness of scary grown up sexuality? So I get it. But it certainly doesn't excuse lazy or shitty writing. Besides, these kids will grow up, grow into their bodies and discover not only good writing but that all the fun of adult sexuality is the sticky, scary stuff.
Can't wait to read what you think of the next one!

Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you. LOL.

I never had the statue fetish as a young girl. But you are right that sexuality at that age is scary and so many of them do engage in sex at such a young age.
Any further questions? Ask the shrimp!txvoodoo on March 3rd, 2011 04:35 am (UTC)
I am seriously so disgusted how young teens think this is all romantic.
Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:37 pm (UTC)
What about the adults who love the books?
Any further questions? Ask the shrimp!txvoodoo on March 3rd, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
Well, they give me a great way of evaluating intelligence ;)

I can't lie, I judge people who love this stuff!
mooncove: tim-facepalmmooncove on March 4th, 2011 08:22 am (UTC)
You know what's even scarier? Middle-aged women in love with half-wolf/half-17-year-old Jacob ... making for the perfect combination of pedophilia and bestiality! :(((
Any further questions? Ask the shrimp!txvoodoo on March 4th, 2011 05:54 pm (UTC)
I don't judge fangirls of any age - of good material & characters.

There's just so much that is incredibly oogie and distasteful about EVERYTHING in this series.
𝓢tephie ⩰ ℒuminousdaze: LOST - Season 3 twoluminousdaze on March 3rd, 2011 04:52 am (UTC)
I want to read at least one Twilight book but I have other things to read first. I used to like Anne Rice's vampires, so I might be a potential Twi-hard! But I don't think so, even the movie trailers don't excite me. Why are you bothering to read all of them if you don't like them?
Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:37 pm (UTC)
Why am I reading the books? Because I felt that I could not be critical of the books without reading them first. I truly went in expecting to change my mind on how I felt about the books. I was not a fan of Harry Potter at first, but once I read the books, I truly saw what others saw also.
𝓢tephie ⩰ ℒuminousdaze: LOST - Benry Knows Best 2luminousdaze on March 4th, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
Oh, I see. I keep trying the same thing with A Brief History of Time. Once and a while I pick it up at the library and try to finish it, but I just can't seem to really get into it.
Leyosura: don't approveleyosura on March 3rd, 2011 06:46 am (UTC)
I can't believe that this kind of thing even gets published.
Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:37 pm (UTC)
My daughter and I talked about that and I propositioned the possibility that her agent did not read the book. Not only is the book is full of tripe, it is badly written, with full grammatical errors.
mooncove: tim-facepalmmooncove on March 4th, 2011 08:20 am (UTC)
That this kind of crap can be published and turned into a multi-million-dollar movie franchise is what gives me hope that I will one day get my novel published. And I know it's not half as crappy as that.

Sadly, I remember a time when tripe like that was churned out as disposable series romances you can still pick up in paperback for a quarter at used-book sales. But ever since the advent of MS Word and desktop publishing, anybody can churn out a novel, and copy editors (something I would have loved to do), let alone editors of any kind seem to be a thing of the past. In the immortal words of Lisa Simpson: "It's the dumbening" of America). :(
tigermind: Doctor Wha—?tigermind on March 3rd, 2011 02:09 pm (UTC)
Well, glad to know my instinct to avoid this series at all costs was justified.

On the plus side, after seeing the kind of praise that gets heaped on this drivel, i'm a lot less worried about getting my own book published =P
Spicedogsspicedogs on March 3rd, 2011 04:37 pm (UTC)
I tell you, I read better fan fiction than these books.
tigermind: Cheshire cattigermind on March 3rd, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
mooncove: morgan-furrymooncove on March 4th, 2011 08:30 am (UTC)
OMG, I couldn't even get halfway through that; I don't know how you could have the patience to read the whole book. Thank God Michael Sheen wasn't in the first movie; the second was bad enough. It actually made TRON: Legacy look good, and that's pretty bad. And now Michael is going to force me to see the next one as he's reprising his role as Aro. Please please please tell me he's in the entire film and not just five minutes at the end to give "too little too late" acting lessons to the rest of the cast? (Please tell me Michael Sheen is not becoming the next David Warner!!! Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! *whiny whine whine whine* Remind you of anyone? ;))
Spicedogs: Twilightspicedogs on March 4th, 2011 03:02 pm (UTC)
Well Michael Sheen is in the 2nd and 3rd movies. He's in a small portion of the movie, too. He is somewhere towards the end for both movies.

Here's a little tidbit of his acting.


I wish we could embed YT in the comments. We used to. But LJ has been "improved."

mooncove: tenniel-rtmooncove on March 4th, 2011 03:20 pm (UTC)
Yes, that's the scene I'm talking about that I had to sit through that whole gawdawful movie ("New Moon") for. It was the only scene where the movie came to life (the one they kept showing in the trailer), and the YouTube clip doesn't even show the best part. He wasn't in the third movie ("Eclipse") that I know about; at least it's not on his IMDb filmography. It says that he is currently filming "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Wind Dawn: Part 1" and "rumored" to be filming Part 2. (???) So how much of a role does Aro play in the 4th Book? (OMG, what are they thinking dividing it into two films? Are they trying to be Harry Potter? And the teeny boppers are falling for this??)
Any further questions? Ask the shrimp!txvoodoo on March 5th, 2011 05:27 pm (UTC)
It's not LJ, it's Youtube. You can still embed. When you click the Embed button, make sure you check "use old embed code" below it, and you'll get this:

Edited at 2011-03-05 05:28 pm (UTC)
mooncove: tim-facepalmmooncove on March 4th, 2011 08:49 am (UTC)
Monster Mash-Up
It is a piece of crap. I really don't know why people rave about the series and why it became such a hit. And sometimes I ask myself why do I keep reading it?

You know, I say the exact same thing about True Blood. (Curse that Carrie Preston--I'd have never even tuned it in if it weren't for her being married to M.E. and wanting to see who the heck she was!)

Vampires versus werewolves. Hmm, where have we seen this before (other than Abbott and Costello)? That's it; it's Underworld for teeny-boppers! Even Michael Sheen knows that; he wants his action figures from the two movies to fight a duel! If only there were an Aro action figure. (Add in a few more clichéd horror-movie creatures, and you've got Dark Shadows--which at least made you laugh unintentionally while scaring you. (Hint: That's the secret, Alan Ball/Charlaine Harris, the humor was unintentional! Horror + comedy almost always = squick at best.)

"I don't know about other readers, but I was disgusted with the entire scene."

Um ... now, if you're talking about Slash ... ahem, no comment. ;)

Uh-oh, when I first glanced at the word "goat" in that next paragraph ... ugh, I hate to tell you what went through my mind. But based on the audaciously unbelievable previous tripe, I wouldn't put it past her.

"And, yes, let us not forget that Bella has no intention of going to college ..."

Wow, not even to get her "MRS" degree? Don't they have a vampire college? At least in True Blood new vampires get mentors.

You sure the next volume isn't called Breaking Wind?
Spicedogs: Twilightspicedogs on March 4th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Monster Mash-Up
Oh, yes, True Blood is another example of a piece of crap. But then again, they play it campy style, so it's funny. But True Blood is a soft-porn. If I were a serious actor, I'd not be happy to only being able of getting a small role in a soft-porn TV show.

Never watched Dark Shadows, but I hear that it was also played campy-style.

No, the scene I am talking about was not slash. It was STUPID and it was geared to hormonal-raged teenagers. Imagine a girl who professes her love to one guy. That guy, however, has frigid skin and they are on a top of a mountain, in the middle of a snowy mountain during a snow storm. The girl is freezing. In comes the other guy who confessed to love her and that the girl loves, too. She hasn't faced that she loves him, but she played him enough to be branded a cock teaser. This boys temperature is 108 degrees. A very toasty guy. He goes in the sleeping bag and hugs her to keep her warm. He suggests that she should take her clothes off to better be warmed up. Her "cool" boyfriend is in the tent and does not approve. This is the type of crap that went on the tent scene that made me want to puke.

Yep, Bella expresses that she has no desire to go to college. She cooks and cleans for her father who, after divorcing his mother, after living alone for 14+ years never learn to do the domestic chores. But Bella faithfully does all the domestic chores before she makes her homework. She's a great role model for today's teen: As a woman, all you are good for is to be a housewife.

In this book the "newborn" vampires are vicious and have no mentors. Bella wants to be a vampire and the Cullens promise to teach her the rules.

Love the Breaking Wind title. LOL
mooncove: tim-facepalmmooncove on March 5th, 2011 01:27 am (UTC)
Re: Monster Mash-Up
Dark Shadows was campy, but the actors and writers actually took it seriously. What made it campy was that it was filmed "live on tape" on a daily basis with the actors sometimes not getting their scripts until the day before it was filmed. They were trying to add special FX to the live tape that had never been done before in that format--often successfully. What made it unintentionally funny was that the technology then was too expensive to go back and edit any mistakes that happened during daily production (remember, it was a soap opera), and they all thought it didn't matter cuz no one would ever see it again. Well, the bloopers were plentiful, and they're still around today on DVD for anyone who wants to see actors flubbing their lines (some handled it like pros, others, notably Jonathan Frid, looked like a deer in headlights and started talking backwards when he didn't get a line exactly right--he was a "slow study," i.e., he was a Shakespearean actor, and he took a long time to learn his lines; he literally thought he was going to be fired after his first appearance, but, of course, he became the star), sets rocking back and forth or just falling over, stage hands running in front of the camera, microphones hanging into the scene, etc. etc. etc. The thing is, no one ever meant it to be funny, and if all had gone according to plan, it would have been quite good and scary for the most part. You just couldn't reproduce that kind of "comedy" if you tried because they weren't trying. And that's one of the things that endears it to fans.

OMG, you're right; that is a stupid scene! If "that guy" were a real guy, he'd have left ... or thrown Mr. 108 (not-so-subtle Lost reference?) off the mountain!

"She's a great role model for today's teen: As a woman, all you are good for is to be a housewife."

Or a vampire. How prehistoric! I much prefer my high school friend's career ambition: rock star's wife. (She got her wish too.) Hate to think what the father's house looked like when she got there.

"Love the Breaking Wind title. LOL"

Couldn't help it, it seemed so obvious!
mooncove: tim-facepalmmooncove on March 5th, 2011 01:29 am (UTC)
Re: Monster Mash-Up
PS: Or, better yet, that guy would have thrown Bella off the mountain, the end. "And there was much rejoicing."
gl12gl12 on March 7th, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
All I can say is that I can't WAIT to see your review for Breaking Dawn. The ONLY reason it got published and sold more than the first copy is because of the built-in audience. I will definitely watch this space for your comments.

I 100% agree that Bella's treatment of Jacob is unforgiveable. But, oh Edith, if you only knew what you're in for in the next book.

I'll just wait. I don't want to spoil the surprise!
Spicedogs: laughspicedogs on March 7th, 2011 02:59 am (UTC)
LOL. I'm half way done, and I am sick of the goings on already. What a joke!